This weekend I’m watching movies to decompress from stressful two months at work. I’m not sure if the stress threw me into a completely opposite direction, that I would normally consider, but today I turned on the Hallmark channel for a Christmas movies marathon. And oh, my God, did I need it! If nothing else, for a comic relief.

It’s especially amusing to watch this Christmas bonanza as a writer. I’m infinitely amazed by the same good-looking, well-dressed, perfectly manicured and hairdo-ed at all times (even if they just got out of bed), basically, predictable characters and the non-sophisticated, straight forward plot lines. So far, every movie has a few or all of these elements:

·        The girl trips over, slides, falls off a ladder, stairs, or nothing visible into the arms of the boy, who catches her perfectly. Their faces, noses, lips almost touching. They walk away from each other embarrassed, trying to pretend it was an accident and nothing would ever come out of it. But whom are they kidding? Definitely, not us!

·        Then, there is one best girl-friend, who keeps convincing the girl to go for the boy. Or in reverse (let’s give them some credit for switching up), there is one best friend, who keeps pushing the boy to go for the girl. For God’s sake, mind your own business! If you like her or him so much, why don’t you just date them yourself? Too much? Sorry, got carried away.

·        Oh, and the characters always have these creative professions: artists, photographers, designers, musicians, or, at the very least, they are talented bakers, who bake gorgeous cakes. They are constantly in search of investors, whom they try to persuade to invest into their businesses. At last, the investors gladly part with their money for the most trivial and unoriginal ideas, that’s more than guaranteed not to give them any return on their investment. But for one night we believe!

·        Let’s not forget about the mistletoe, that pops out of nowhere right above the love birds and they have to kiss. Do they really have to kiss for the first time in the middle of the room, with everybody watching? It’s so voyeuristic but apparently, they have to, because, there are no other rooms, or places in the whole world where they can do this in private. What if the lovers, God forbid, get handsy? That couldn’t happen in a Hallmark Christmas movie! There, the kisses are supposed to be not too hot, but not too cold either, like in an alternative reality.

·        What about that snow, that starts at the perfect time? Also, the clean streets, with well-powdered sides, with piles of snow in the right place, where the characters are destined to throw some snowballs. And you, guessed it, slip and fall, but this time on top of each other. Shakespeare is taking a break!

I want to throw their script away and yell at the TV: “Can we for once have the boy trip and fall, and the girl not catching him, and he bleeding out of his nose so badly, that she has to drive like a manic to take him to the hospital?” I imagine her hair messed up because she’s sweating, and her makeup is wiped out, because she doesn’t have time to reapply her lipstick. He’s in pain, and has not one, but two black eyes, and an enormously swollen nose. So romantic.

I laugh at Christmas movie marathon, but that’s the actual point: I laugh. Stress? What stress? Let’s pour a glass of wine and light up the fireplace!

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